We’ve all been there before: You’ve worked so hard towards a goal, whether it’s saving up for a big purchase or proving your worth at work in hopes of getting that promotion. Then, in a weak moment, you undo your efforts, spending your money on a whim or messing up an important presentation or project. In other words, you stand in your own way. You make it hard to achieve your goals. You self-sabotage. 

In today’s blog post, I want to define self-sabotaging behavior and then share three tips to help you refrain from this behavior in order to live a happy and thriving life.

What Is Self-Sabotaging?

Self-sabotaging behavior refers to “the act of your conscience getting in the way of your intent, disrupting you to defeat your purpose.” Maybe you think you’re not good enough to make your dreams come true. Or maybe you give up just as you’re starting to see real progress. In these important moments, your subconscious mind plays tricks on your rational mind, causing you to doubt yourself. This discouragement can turn into a cycle that repeatedly holds you back. 

You may self-sabotage in different ways, including procrastinating, not asking for or receiving support, making reckless choices, drinking alcohol to escape your problems, and more. “Imposter syndrome” is another form of self-sabotage. You feel as though you don’t deserve your own success and happiness, even though there’s no clear reason why. Instead of enjoying and appreciating your accomplishments, you think you’re a fraud who is undeserving. 

Three Tips to Quit Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Now, let’s look at three ways to overcome self-sabotaging behavior.

1. Think positive: Self-sabotage often shows up in the form of negative thoughts, which can be traced back to a lack of self-confidence and self-love. You think, “I don’t deserve good things,” or “I’m not good enough” — which is simply not true! Next time you feel doubt or another negative feeling creeping in, replace it with compassion and gratitude. Acknowledge your small successes to help yourself reframe the bigger picture.

2. Practice self-care: For some people, unhealthy stress relievers, like substance abuse or overspending, morph into self-sabotage. Those poor choices add up and ultimately prevent you from being your best self or reaching a goal. When you feel that desire to escape through overindulgence, focus on your self-care instead. To start, consider how your emotions impact your behavior. Acknowledge your feelings but don’t let them control you. When you start to feel overwhelmed, try a mindfulness exercise to help you get back on track.

3. Get organized: Procrastination and disorganization tend to go hand-in-hand. Sometimes, it’s difficult to start because you simply don’t know where to start. Furthermore, when one part of life is in chaos, it often affects everything else, including your relationships, your career, and your health. Make a conscious effort to declutter your life, both your space and your time. Create a plan with actionable steps and stick with it. No more excuses!

Still struggling with self-sabotaging behavior? Reach out for help. There is no shame in asking for guidance as you identify and overcome challenges in your life.

Discover the possibility of living a meaningful life. Discover the possibility of recovery. Contact Dr. Benaaz Russell, PsyD, CEDS today to schedule an appointment.