When it comes to offering support to a loved one experiencing grief and loss, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. There is never a right thing to say, and sometimes, saying nothing at all is best.
In general, there are three simple steps you can follow: Listen. Be present. Don’t judge.
Listen
As you watch your loved one face their grief, you may be reminded of your own memories or uncomfortable feelings. It’s tempting to want to “fix” the problem in an effort to help them feel better. However, grief is a process, and each individual experiences it on their own timeline and in their own way. Do your best to offer your support and comfort by simply listening to them. They may say the same things over and over again or nothing at all. Either way, follow their lead.
Be present
Does your loved one desire the comfort that comes with physically being with you? Or do they want space? If you’re with them, it’s important to be fully present. Put your phone away and let them determine how you spend your time together. Sure, it can be hard to sit in sadness with them, but it’s important that they know they aren’t alone. If they want space, be accessible and check-in with them every few days (or more often, depending on your relationship).
Don’t judge
There is no right way to grieve. Intense displays of emotion, a complete absence of emotion, and everything in between are all okay. It can be challenging to support someone through their grief. Do your best to be forgiving and understanding as they sort out their feelings.
Need more specific advice? Here are some ways to support a loved one through grief and loss.
When it comes to what to say, it’s important to acknowledge their grief and what they’re going through rather than ignoring it. A good starting place is, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” If they’re religious, you can say a prayer for them and their family. If not, simply remind them that you’re here and that you love them.
If you offer to help, be specific. It places the burden on them when you use generic phrases like, “Let me know what you need.” Instead, volunteer to run a few errands on Monday or bring them dinner on Tuesday. Ask if you can watch their kids for a few hours or clean their house on Friday. Include as many details as possible to make it easy for them to say yes.
When it comes to food, always bring a meal! As a member of their support system, it’s critical that you help them take care of themselves through this difficult time. Set-up a meal train to ensure that meals are provided for the next month or so.
When supporting your loved one, be sure to take care of yourself too! You can practice mindfulness as a way to reflect on your own feelings and reactions during this emotionally-charged time. Take deep breaths and do breathing exercises to calm down and get out of your own head. If you think it’d be helpful, encourage your loved one to practice these self-soothing techniques as well.
Discover the possibility of living a meaningful life. Discover the possibility of recovery. Reach out to Dr. Benaaz Russell, PsyD, CEDS-S, today to schedule an appointment!